After going on and off series of relationship, I began a list of do and don't. Do listen. Don't complain. Do be cheerful. Don't criticise. And after endless failure, I began to change myself to make the next relationship better and hopefully it work out. When i go by the rules of perfect another half, it does work truthfully. Well, at first.. before everything becoming clearer, that it is not me anymore. It is just the girl he'll like and adore.
After some time, my true self stumble open once a while and it wasn't pretty. I don't listen well because I would always have an opinion. A strong one. How long can I keep all the thoughts to myself so I don't seem like a rebel. I don't always have a bubbly self, I have my dark days and it is so hard to handle it myself because a girl with too many darkness is not preferable. So, I face it myself, cry at my own time and be the bubbly me minutes after. But it is not healthy I know.
I'm trying to change to the old me, before my heart breaks, the painful first, unforgotten second and many more hurtful things I had to deal with.
Maybe one day, I'll be able to just be me and still be loved.
After some time, my true self stumble open once a while and it wasn't pretty. I don't listen well because I would always have an opinion. A strong one. How long can I keep all the thoughts to myself so I don't seem like a rebel. I don't always have a bubbly self, I have my dark days and it is so hard to handle it myself because a girl with too many darkness is not preferable. So, I face it myself, cry at my own time and be the bubbly me minutes after. But it is not healthy I know.
I'm trying to change to the old me, before my heart breaks, the painful first, unforgotten second and many more hurtful things I had to deal with.
Maybe one day, I'll be able to just be me and still be loved.
