It is almost 5 in the morning now, this is when thoughts come rushing in like a big pile of needles poking through my mind.
Love is a vague word, never really have the right words to explain it. I think I never know what it is, I am beyond sure I felt admiration, hurt, cherished, cared but none seemed enough. Probably because I want it to be, I always put in effort to be noticed and that hurts because they say if someone loves you, you wouldn't have to beg for attention. So heart, what is love anyways?
As the word love begin to feel like a mere made-up word, I begin to understand why I always feel like there's something missing every time i jump into relationship. Why i never really work and how there's always a big turnover every time. I hate the idea that I'm not worth the fight; because being ignored/pushed away/overlooked one day and be treated like a princess the next day always work to make me confuse and have my own doubts if that fight I'm in, really matters.
Thing that really matter is that I have thoughts, deep dark thoughts that keep bothering me, making me feel less and less worthy every night. I feel like I'm being used, as a token to be brag about. A prize to be won over. I want to know how does it feel to be loved for who I am in the inside rather than what everyone could see. I want to be looked upon with admiration of how I see things beautifully and could make the most out of the worst situation.
For once, not because of the qualities that everyone could see but something only you see.
Love is a vague word, never really have the right words to explain it. I think I never know what it is, I am beyond sure I felt admiration, hurt, cherished, cared but none seemed enough. Probably because I want it to be, I always put in effort to be noticed and that hurts because they say if someone loves you, you wouldn't have to beg for attention. So heart, what is love anyways?
As the word love begin to feel like a mere made-up word, I begin to understand why I always feel like there's something missing every time i jump into relationship. Why i never really work and how there's always a big turnover every time. I hate the idea that I'm not worth the fight; because being ignored/pushed away/overlooked one day and be treated like a princess the next day always work to make me confuse and have my own doubts if that fight I'm in, really matters.
Thing that really matter is that I have thoughts, deep dark thoughts that keep bothering me, making me feel less and less worthy every night. I feel like I'm being used, as a token to be brag about. A prize to be won over. I want to know how does it feel to be loved for who I am in the inside rather than what everyone could see. I want to be looked upon with admiration of how I see things beautifully and could make the most out of the worst situation.
For once, not because of the qualities that everyone could see but something only you see.
